Thursday, March 20, 2008

510





The isolated corridor welcomed him with glee. It seemed to have befriended his betrayed soul. The sound of his shoes on floor, rhymed with his heart beat. He came to a halt- right before the door no. 510. The sight of that number tormented him with memories that he did not wish to remember, now.

The room was just the way as he’d left it. The vase remained broken. The glass table, which used to be gleaming spotless, was now covered with dust. And over it was the glass, now empty.

His lips parted- a thought which made him do so stopped him at once from uttering the name. The name did not exist.

He moved around that familiar place, eyes recognizing things that he’d used. Each of them, reminded him of the name, her name. Suchitra.

He stopped himself once again. The name was not to be said. And it was his fault- all his fault.
The room was blue, all around. She wanted it that way. But he should not think of her. But he couldn’t help it. Everything in that room spoke about her. And every single thing blamed him. They were shouting his name. and he slammed the door, shut.

He now stood facing the dining table. His chair was upturned. The kitchen was open. There shall no more be any food cooking inside. Everything was dead.

He had said to her that she never cared for him. He had blamed her for everything that happened to him. He shut the door against her. He never heard her plea. He made her leave. And now, she has left.

He sat on the couch. His eyes fell on a package. He’d never seen it before. He grabbed it and saw a familiar writing over it that had carved his name. Trembling, he opened it.

And he saw it. A watch. Just the one that he’d wanted. A note on it said, “Happy Birthday, Akhil”! The plague of the dead gripped him. Guilt, clutching his throat- throttled him, and yet, there was more on the note. He turned it. And it said- “ With lots of love, from Suchitra”!



83 comments:

arvind1187 said...

excellent :) ... wonderful read ... would have been fabulous if it had been a little longer.. not that i am complaining...
good post ..

vanilla sky said...

nice read!
and i like images you use for your posts!

Matangi Mawley said...

@arvind..
thnk u!
its my belief that short stories' abrupt endings convey more emotions than novels..

Matangi Mawley said...

@vanilla sky..
thnk u!

Setu said...

brilliant write-up. looking forward to read more!

Gardagami said...

See here or here

parul said...

very good!
Brilliant at places...
keep it going!

Matangi Mawley said...

@setu..
thnk u! sure!

Matangi Mawley said...

@gar..
okie!

Matangi Mawley said...

@parul..
thnk u!

a new philosopher is born said...

Guilt, clutching his throat- throttled him, and yet, there was more on the note. He turned it. And it said- “ With lots of love, from Suchitra”!
as i read this lines, a chill went down my spine.....
great....
and yeah thanks for dropping by my blog....

manorath said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
manorath said...

yeah.. i believe in abrupt endings for short stories..they ve a grip on u lingering on for a long time.. each n every word of ur blog builds to the effect.. i love the way u make the readers visualize the location u had in ur mind..n thnx for ur comment on my blog..

Matangi Mawley said...

@a new philosopher..

thnk u!

Matangi Mawley said...

@manorath..

thnk u!

unpretentious_diva said...

I wake up every morning
To find the bed beside me empty
I come home every night
To find it cold, lonely

Your CDs on the shelf
Your clothes in my cupboard
Your picture on the table
Your shoes under the bed.

Now you’re gone
Taking a part of me
And I cry
Into the lonely night.

I hug your picture
Hold it close to me
My arms around your pillow
Wishing it were you

I walk by the sea
By our rocks, our beach
I lie by the fire
But now it’s only me.

Your books on the desk
Your razor by the basin
Your socks among mine
Fresh from the laundry

When my feet get cold at night
There’s nothing to warm them
There’s no shoulder to cry on
No arms to hold me close.

Now you’re gone
Taking a part of me
And I cry
Into the lonely night.

I watch movies alone
Just half a tub of popcorn
And there are things I don’t cook
Cause they remind me of you

Your smell still on the sheets
Your perfume in the air
The mail that still comes for you
Your name on the door.

When my back hurts
There’s no massage waiting
When it’s cold
There’s no hot bath waiting

Now you’re gone
Taking a part of me
And I cry
Into the lonely night.

I now need a chair
To reach things on the top
Cause you’re not there anymore
To reach up and get them for me.

And the left over batter
Still stuck to the dish
There’s no one anymore
To lick it.

You’re mother still calls
Your golf magazine still comes
Your band has broken up
Now that you’re gone.

I can never let you go
Cannot live without you
Each day, each night is a battle
I’m surviving, just barely

Now you’re gone
Taking a part of me
And I cry
Into the lonely night.

Matangi Mawley said...

@diva..

:) beautiful!

Compassion Unlimitted said...

Very beautifully done..abrupt ending! great style, I guess..
TC
CU

Matangi Mawley said...

@compassion unlimited..

thnk u!

Nisha said...

beautiful expression of thought!

Loved the whole idea... but i somehow felt that there was more to it... this can't be the end...

Keep Writing!!

Cheers!!

P.S. I have blogrolled you :)
Do check into my new blog... a post awaits your comments...

Nisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matangi Mawley said...

@nisha..

thnk u! would do so!

Vinodh said...

extraordinary!
in the end...i wished that you kept writng on and on..

Matangi Mawley said...

@vinodh..

thnk u!

Lena said...

really good writing style :)
and sooooooo sad.. i would like to read more from you :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@lena..

thnk u!

Ps said...

Gripping--and a lovely image as well.
Thanks for stopping by!

Matangi Mawley said...

@ps..

thnk u!

MY THOUGHTS!! said...

nice story!!or maybe i should say gr8 blog!!:)

ps thank you for droppin by my blog! glad u agree!!

priya said...

A beautiful story which sends a note of not to be suspicious in or over possessive in love.

Matangi Mawley said...

@my thoughts..

thnk u!

Matangi Mawley said...

@priya..

thnk u!

ananya said...

abt guilt clutching the throat.. i could feel it! narration is out of the world!!!!
kudos!

Matangi Mawley said...

@ananya..

thnk u!

Matangi Mawley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vinni said...

i loved this post. very abstract but brings out the right emotions.

Matangi Mawley said...

@vinni...

thnk u!

abhishek said...

nice post.....

Arjun said...

Previous comments said it all.....
Wonderful read.....
ANd no, I dont feel it should have been longer....
Just too good for a post... :)

Cheers..!!
Arjun

Matangi Mawley said...

@abhishek..

thnk u!

Matangi Mawley said...

@arjun..

thnk u!

Ghost Particle said...

so much realism, you write very well. Will read more and hope you write more. :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@ghost particle...

thnk u!

Cinderella. said...

Beautiful read !
I loved the way you described the entire scene about him..awesome..!!
Keep it comin' !

Matangi Mawley said...

@cinderella...

thnk u!

yaggi said...

thnx 4 ur visit n comment... ur blog is very well written....liked it...forcing me to become regular reader :)..keep on writing!!

Solitaire said...

Nice read!

Matangi Mawley said...

@yaggi..

thnk u!

Matangi Mawley said...

@solitaire..

thnk u!

suryash said...

beautiful narration! u r writing gets better n better.. i hope.. some day u bcme 1 gr8 hell of a writer!
keep writing!

Matangi Mawley said...

@suryash..

thnk u!

Sakshi said...

One of the nicest short stories i've ever read. very beautiful :)
And you have a really nice blog there!I like the pictures n the text and everything else.

Matangi Mawley said...

@sakshi..

thnk u!

Guhn said...

See Please Here

rewa said...

beautiful narration... best one i ve read so far!

Matangi Mawley said...

@rewa..

thnk u!

Abhinav Viswambharan said...

A very touching post. Liked the way it ended. :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@abhinav..

thnk u!

manisha said...

full of haunting images...vivid n engaging!!!!..

Matangi Mawley said...

@manisha..

thnk u!

dreammer said...

nice read. You know how to evoke he atmosphere and convey the emotion. Abrupt ending works brilliant. thanks for the comment on my blog.

Matangi Mawley said...

@dreamer..

thnk u!

my inner world said...

a very nice read. specially the end was just very beautiful:)
waiting to read more of such from you:)

Matangi Mawley said...

@ inner world..

thnk u!

Thulasi said...

Wonderful story, the reader could read a lot from the silence. keep it up..

Matangi Mawley said...

@thulasi..

thnk u!

Rashi V said...

Brilliant !! I could completely understand what that guy must have felt!!! Brilliant again

Matangi Mawley said...

@rashi..

thnk u!

Winnie the poohi said...

loved the way you wrote it.. the suspense was tantalizing...

Matangi Mawley said...

@winnie..

thnk u!

feardbond said...

welll..this was great stuff....i felt every single line of it and it was well constructed....

Matangi Mawley said...

@frearbond..

thnk u!

Srividya said...

ending...? seems to me - more like the beginning of the next chapter in life. great blog! keep writing :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@srividhya..

thnk u!:)

Such art I said...

You write well. Am loving it.

With lots of love,
Suchitra :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@suchitra..

:) hey didnt realize u d already read it! :)
thnk u!:)

Kartz said...

"Ah well a day
What evil looks had I from old and young.
Instead of the cross, the albatross
About my neck was hung."

Pangs of being impulsive. Great narration mon ami!

Matangi Mawley said...

@kartz..

thnk u! sir!:)

Arti Honrao said...

Very well written!
Some people just do not understand some things before it is too late...



GBU
Arti

Matangi Mawley said...

@arti..
thnk u!

ishqia said...

really nice.. but am confused.. he killed her or threw her out of the house..

Matangi Mawley said...

@ishiqia..

no..no.. jst threw her out..

ishqia said...

ok..

A BLOG FOR ALL...

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Created by OnePlusYou

ad on the top..