"Nainon mein badra chaaye.." playing. And I'm here trying to look beyond the past! Strange. But I've never written such a post before! For me, my blog is sacred. There should never be some off the mind write-up on it. So, I used to think. But I got this strange idea, while tagging my photograph at my Facebook profile page!
Madhubala. Beauty that could never be put in words. Every time I see her on screen, I get inspired. The eyes bringing out pain, love and innocence all at once. When I have a house that I could call my own, I plan to have one of her pictures, in the hall, along with my favourite Ravi Verma paintings!
The other day, while traveling in the train, I saw an 'Aravaani'. That's how they are called here. She was so beautiful. I did not know whether to admire her or pity her. For I did not feel that it would be fair to do both together. What's the point of all this?
Memories. There are some photographs in our hearts that stay with us forever. They never fade. I remember- the expression on my mom's face when I got her a gift from my first salary. The drop of a tear that came out of my friend's eyes, on our last day of college. The moment when I received my first punishment. The moment alone, on terrace, playing with sand and stones spread about. But everyone has such memories. What is new about that?
No. There is nothing new about that. No. This is not about trying to look beyond the past.
When the dreams about future start clouding the eyes, the past becomes a faded; misty portrait on the luxurious walls of a brand new home. And the dreams never show you these photographs. For there is always a space there, in those frames, that could accommodate more. When the eyes begin to search for the details of the pictures, they are nowhere to be seen! But there is a strange feeling in seeing them. Somewhere inside, a voice whispers, proudly- I used to be that! Suddenly, you feel defensive. You say to yourself- And now, I am this! The gap hangs there.
Even now, I enjoy listening to Ghantasala singing to the tunes of Aadi Narayana Rao. I like watching the black and white movies with prince and princess floating on a flying carpet! Some of my friends laugh at me. There was a time when I felt afraid to share my tastes with them. Not anymore. But what is wrong in listening to these songs? Watching these movies?
I wish to confess something here. I love to spend a holiday shut in a room, all alone. "Main aur meri tanhaayee".. we don't talk. But we like sharing those moments of silence together. That's what we have in common. Flashes from the past- come in and go away. We never feel awkward. We rather enjoy it.
A note on 'Getting a life'! Isn't this a life too?
I see an old lady, trying to sell fishes, each day. She sits all day long under the scorching heat of the Chennai city. And each day, she hopes to sell something. The quantity however, remains the same- morning and evening. Yet, she sits there, everyday. With the same hope of selling her fish. Does that mean, she is not living? No. Infact, she's the one who is most alive! She lives each day on a hope. She lives hoping. Her hope is her strength to live. Her pulse- her hope!
Sometimes, those faded pictures on the frames, tell us things. They had always been telling. But there was no one listening to it. Try listening.. There would never be any need to get defensive, the next time you confront the picture. There won't be any gaps!
Looking beyond the past is not about living in future. Past is not just memories. Past is a life. A life lead with a hope of a future. A hope that bore fruit and brought you here. And there are some clues out there- yet to be explored, in the past. Life is a treasure hunt- and to reach on to the treasure, the future needs to find those clues. The future, needs to look, beyond the past...