I haven't often been able to talk about what really happens in my life on my blog. I've never been comfortable with sharing my personal thoughts on my blog. I have kept it strictly for the purpose of exploring my creativity. But of late- I've begun to wonder if I ever felt that sense of "belonging" about anything! Had I felt that way about my blog- that blog being mine, I have not felt so bad about writing what I think in it. It's created after all by me- to be my own personal space. What's wrong if I post in an occasional rant about my personal life in it?
The more I thought about it- I learnt that I had never "belonged" anywhere. Sometimes- I feel like I don't belong in the same thought space as my parents or friends or any one. I consider it to be just fine. A friend once told me that all Taurians are supposed to be secretive/mysterious. They cannot just share everything about them to anyone. I now believe that to be true. For I find it very hard to maintain a journal. Even after trying it out many times- I hardly write any truth in it. After a certain point- I didn't see any purpose in it.
I had often considered the idea of having a personal blog. For writing about what I felt or thought- not just creative pre-written articles in it. But I could never manage that either. No beautiful notebook or pen- could tempt me into betraying my deepest thoughts. I find that strange for this shows a real stubborn mind. A mind that would only have its way and no other. But I am not that stubborn on other issues. That is a paradox.
I crave to belong somewhere. Even though I know that I can never be completely honest- I wish I could belong. I really do... Unlike many of my essays- that I feel compelled to conclude; I am going to let this one end- with a hope...