Saturday, June 12, 2010

SPATIKA LINGA


The bronze bell awoke the Gods' hunger. The Neivedhya(offering) was served even before the Gods could feel that hunger. A small bowl full of rice- steaming hot with dhal and ghee and fruits. The Arti to indicate the Gods are now well-fed and are happy enough to bless one with impractical boons. As though the Gods could listen. The new arrival there was- the Spatika Linga. It did cost a fortune! Not to forget the rituals performed to welcome the Linga home. It was costlier. The hope it brought in the home, was however, even more precious. It made him forget all about money. All the rituals that took his money and energy! Hope- made him forget everything else.


Divyam was a man who had lost all hopes, long back. He believed his life's sole purpose now was to serve his mother till she breathes her last and serve the Gods till he breathes his last. All his ambition to succeed and achieve were lost three years ago, when he lost all his belongings to the share-game. Stocks too, were like Gods. They could give. But they could take it all away too. He now knew why he loved the Shares! But it was in the past. The future had no dreams of it. The hopes could not enter into their house all these years. But this was because of something else. Something, unexpected.


Pranav- Divyam's younger brother, met with an untimely death. No one had expected it. He worked in a Nationalized bank. There was an accident. All of Divyam's savings went into Pranav's medical expences. The worst part was Pranav's passing away when their mother was alive! Devki had been a strong woman, raising the boys, all alone, educating them. But she was old too. And Pranav was too young to die. And Divyam, too young to loose everything! She could not bear it. She was shattered and her health diminished. She took refuge in her husband's old radio. And Divyam, in the idols of Gods.


Everyday, Divyam would wake up, bathe. And work on the idols. Take them off their abode. Clean them. Clean them until the bronze sparkled like gold! Then he would bathe the Gods in water, milk, sandal, turmeric and all auspicious things. Wipe them clean. Pray in front of them. Bribe them with Rice, ghee and dhal. And everyday- his prayer was this-"One day, there should be a new day. And that day, I would have more money than I would ever have. Then I would have a life, once more".


People who became involved with Gods, never ever get tired of them. Bhola baba of the Neem Tree fame to Chandi Baba from Himalayas. Every single Baba would interest them. One such Baba gave Divyam the Spatika Linga. It is said that the Spatika Linga, that is a Linga or depiction of Shiva, the God of Destruction, made of crystal; it had the powers to give the seeker all that they wish for. It took Divyam a month to complete the rituals and finally bring home the Linga.


He had a reason to believe in it. Since Pranav's death happened when he was employed in a bank, Devki wrote to the bank in which he was working. Since Pranav was the only bread-winner of the family, she had requested them for compensation. They had even replied back that her request was under consideration and that she would hear further soon. And this was why, the hope returned to their home. This was why Divyam prayed. Every single day.


Lata's melifluous voice was beginning to take an effect. Divyam felt drowsy. It was noon and he was in his usual retreat- the balcony, reading the news. The Stock update. There could still be money. He could start all over again. Devki could be happy, again. The doorbell rang. Divyam went to get it. Mr. Mishra was at the door. Divyam invited him in.


Mishra was the one who helped him in his earlier days. He taught Divyam- the trade. He was now a retired man. But he remained to be a well- wisher. Mishra had a reason to come to Divyam's home that day.


"You remember Ram? The boy who used to come around you day and night"? asked Mishra.


"Oh yes Mishraji. Young boy! Very enthusiastic about learning things", replied Divyam.


"Oh, now he's no young! Become a Seth!", and they both started laughing.


Mishra continued once the laughter subsided- "Look Divyam! I'm telling this for you good. Stop all the fuss. If you want, I'll help you with the capital. This Ram, he's starting something new. I'll talk to him about you. He respects me. He won't deny.. You can invest in his venture.. I'm sure- that's going to be a huge business.. What say"?


Divyam appeared to be in deep thought. Mishra continued, "Divyam! Leave all that has happened! There is no use holding on to a dead bull's tail! Leave it. Ram is a good guy. I'll give you some money. Come by my home tomorrow..."


"Mishraji," Divyam interrupted, "it is kind of you. But you very well know that I won't accept your money. But of the offer, I'll consider. Mother has written to the bank.. Once we hear from them.."


Mishra looked into Divyam's eyes. Those used to be a winner's eyes. Time had strange way of playing games. It also had a very bad sense of humour, thought Mishra to himself. Divyam was like a son to him. And he would do anything to help him. See him get out of this mess.


The Spatika Linga glowed each day, after all the washing and cleaning. But still, it was not showing its powers.

That day, was however a different day. The letter from bank had finally arrived! Divyam's hand was trembling with joy. But Devki adviced him to keep it at the foot of the Spatika Linga and open the letter only at the auspicious hour of the day. Afterall, all their hope was in that letter! Divyam did as he was told. Divyam and Devki had food. Devki tuned into the old radio and they were listening to the melodies of the yester years, as they were waiting for the auspicious hour to come. They both fell asleep.


"There was light. Like that which came from gold. Yellow. It was coming near and near". Suddenly, there was a clock ticking and indicating that it was almost four in the evening. Divyam woke up. Devki was still asleep. Divyam washed his face, and tried to wake his mother.


It was the thirteenth day after Devki's death. All the guests were gone. All the money was gone. But rituals were rituals. They must be done at any cost! And they were done. Divyam was sitting alone, in the balcony. All through those thirteen days, he had not for one day thought about what would happen after this day. His hope.. Hope.. Hope?


He suddenly remembered the letter! He rushed to the Spatika Linga. Took the letter. Opened and began reading it:


Dear Mrs. Devki Sharma,


Please do accept our heart-felt condolences on your son's demise. Mr. Pranav Sharma was a sincere and hard-working officer and a real asset to the bank. The scheme for compassionate appointment, is not there in the bank any longer. However, keeping the economic hardship faced by your family, it has been decided by the top management committee, as a special case, without creating precedence to allow an ex-gratia payment of Rupees Ten Lakhs to you.


To claim the same, please fill in the attached form and forward your signature, duely attested. Upon verifying your signature, the amount would be provided to you, in due course.


Yours faithully,

Prakash Mehta

(Senior Manager)


The Spatika Langa, still, sparkled as ever!


Sunday, June 6, 2010

WORDS


Urmi was packing her things. Parth lay there, as he watched her struggle with the suit case, trying to lock it down, smiling to himself. Urmi noticed it.

"You are really enjoying this, aren't you"? she asked him, annoyed.

"You just look good when you are.. you know.. like this", he replied, smiling at her annoyance.

"Parth, I really don't get how you are going to manage this! But I want you at my place this 26th! No matter what happens"! said Urmi, with a finality.

Parth got up and sat up right on the bed. He looked deep in thought.

"Urmi, see- even if I start on 25th night, I don't know...", he began.

"How do I look to you"? asked Urmi, angrily.

"As beautiful as ever", replied Parth, smiling!

Urmi threw a pillow at him.

"You know long it took me to convince papa about you?! After such a long time, they have finally agreed to see you! What will they think if you don't turn up.." she continued, angrily.

"Relax! I would be there! promise! Now, travel safe. Make sure, you call me once you reach there..", Parth replied.

Urmi looked thoughtful, for sometime. Then she said, in a totally different tone.

"Parth, there is something, I should tell you. I have been thinking about telling you that for a long time. But.. I felt it would be better to tell about it to you, once to come to my home. May be if you saw.."

"Urmi! You have never asked anything about my past for the past two years we have known each other. Trust me, I don't..", replied Parth.

"No.. this is not about me.. There is something else.. Fine, anyway- will tell you once you come there.. Bye! See you soon.."

And Urmi left for her home, waving him a good-bye!

***

Parth boarded the bus to Goa. His mind was full of dreams about his long planned life with Urmi. They had known each other for the past two years. And they had both felt that it was time to take their relationship to the next level. She was all that Parth needed to complete his life. She brought him out of the shell, into which he had been put into by someone whom he did not wish to remember anymore.

The bus stopped all of a sudden. The conductor announced that there was a small problem with the bus and it would take them an hour to get the bus to start again.

Parth got out of the bus along with others. There were a group of college students who in the bus, along with him. Looking at them, Parth couldn't help, but think of the unthinkable.

***

"Parth... PARTH.. Stop! Listen to me.. For a minute.. ", she came running behind him.

Parth kept walking without looking back. He could not, not ever look into her eyes again. Those eyes, had betrayed his trust. He had given her all his love that he had ever felt. But she had not cared for it. His broken heart, made him think of things that he had never thought about in his life before.

"Parth! I did not betray you.. It's all a lie! I wrote no letters to him. He's lying! You can trust him and not ME? Parth.. WAIT! Listen...", she came along, shouting.

All the people in the corridor were pausing to watch. And that was when he lost control over himself. He turned back to look at her. For the last time. And spoke-

"Listen to what, Rukmi? To your lies? I would have not trusted him with those letters.. Had I not seen you both..", he could not say more.

Rukmi's eyes were full of tears, that failed bring out any emotion but anger in Parth.

"Parth.. I'd rather die than betray you..", sobbed Rukmi.

"Which movie dialogue is that Rukmi? I know you are an all damn actress. You have been, all this while two-timing me with him! You know what is that called? You..."

***

Why was he even thinking about all these things? Parth boarded the bus again. He had now, only the future to think about. Nothing else. He needed to leave behind all his negativity.

***

He waited anxiously for someone to open the door.

Urmi was glowing. He had never seen her so beautiful ever before.

"Hi..", she said, smiling. And she took him inside her home.

She introduced him to her parents. They were as good Urmi. And Parth could say that they were impressed by him.

***

It was a pleasant day, that glided towards the evening. Parth and Urmi were walking along, hand-in-hand in the market. Urmi looked thoughtful. Parth was smiling to himself.

"I think it went well, don't you think so?", said Parth.

"Hmm..", said Urmi.

"Cheer up! What are you thinking about, right now"? asked Parth, cheerfully.

Urmi replied, "Parth, you remember when I was leaving for Goa the other day, I said I wanted to tell you something"?

Parth slowly replied, "..yes.. what about that"?

"Well, Parth- You should know that I have a sister", said Urmi.

Parth looked at her surprised!

"What? You never said.. But I didn't see her at your place! Hiding her are you? Jealous that I would go after her...?" said Parth , teasingly.

Urmi looked little worried.

"No. Parth, she doesn't live with us. She's.. Well, I think, now that you are part of family, you should know..", said Urmi.

"Know what, Urmi"? asked Parth.

"Something happened to her Parth. When she was at college.. Even I don't know what happened. Some of her friends told me, later. She loved a person. And he did not trust her. And in front of everyone, he called her something that a person would think a million times, before saying it, even when one is alone! She could not tolerate it.. And.. She..", Urmi started sobbing.

Parth looked at her desperately. She did not know what effect this information was having on him. He began, "Urmi.."

"Parth..", said Urmi, sobbing, ".. Parth.. Rukmi.. is now insane.."

Parth stood there, like a huge tree, that was totally uprooted.. looking helplessly at the sobbing Urmi..


Thursday, June 3, 2010

A FLASH OF PAST


Thoughts - wild and vast,
Knocking the doors of the past...
Stories of kings and queens I heard
Flash past my eyes- though blurred!
I am- a vague remain of a past filled with life...



Lady and the lamp- My version.. My Doodle...

Monday, May 31, 2010

BOOKS

Of thoughts, Of reasons,
Of minds you dare speak

You speak of the known
And of the unknown, you seek

Of world, of space
Of times long and gone

You speak of the past
And of futures new and strong

Of lives, of people
Of stories never been told

You speak of the smiles
And of tears still on hold

Of words, of letters
Of pages old and torn

But books, you still speak of
Wisdom, yet to be born...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

LETTERS FROM MAWLEY...- 2


My regular readers would know that, long time back- in 2009 Feb, to be precise, I began a new venture inspired by "Jawaharlal Nehru's Letters to his daughter". However, my dear father had been quite busy all these while, even to write a letter to me! But here now, I have a letter, that I am not only sharing- just because this continues this series. But this is a letter, that makes me feel proud that I'm his daughter! Please read on and feel free to comment:


HUMAN ZOO – An Alternative to Capital Punishment

‘Rape’ is a heinous crime; it is not only an offence against the body but it maims the soul of the victim for the rest of her life. Our supreme court has observed that capital punishment (cp) s must be accorded in the rarest of the rare cases of heinous crimes.

The debate for and against capital punishment continues for eons.

Let it be so.


To my mind it appears that cp is not at all severe enough; the criminals involved in such cases, deserve a more severe punishment than cp. In fact, hanging, allows the culprits to pass out rather easily and without giving them time for remorse.Whenever we hear or read about the details of various heinous crimes- Priyadharshini mattoo,Madhumati shukla, and thousand such other cases,- rape and murder of foreign tourists, and Nithari killings our blood boils and we crave for proper retribution. But such rage proves to be rather a fleeting emotion and we are carried away by so many other tamaasha news- day in, day out; and by the way the culprit, escapes popular condemnation. This should not happen. I, therefore, feel that the ends of justice would be better served if we can device a punishment which would sustain the public rage and also accord the criminals, full time for remorse. I, therefore, suggest that we can create a Human Zoo ( in all the state capitals -- to start with) where such criminals can be kept in spacious cages, "barely clad, and absolutely unarmed", and beyond the reach of physical violence from the visitors. The details of their crime record must be prominently displayed in a hoarding outside their cages-along with whatever graphic representations as may be available …


Punishments for crimes are meant to act as deterrent towards commission of such crimes by others or by the same criminals in future. But fear of punishment will not be efficacious as a deterrent in cases where the crime is motivated by personal vendetta or by the desire to seek vengeance or to seek retribution for ‘ injustice’ suffered – real or imaginary… under such circumstances crimes are committed by persons who are in a state of

emotional imbalance and who are hardly in a position to think /reason out/ratiocinate …

( Such persons will not fall under the category ‘heinous’ criminals ) However , the deterrent value of punishment still holds good in cases of professional / mercenary criminals…in fact, the deterrent value will be directly proportional to the severity of the punishment … Therefore ,the visitors to the Human Zoos will be allowed to express their condemnation of the criminal acts, by any manner they like – of course without resorting to physical violence… A non-violent form of public stoning/lashes…( ? ) I am able to imagine that this will have tremendous ‘ effect’ on the ‘inmates’ and what is still more , this will have tremendous deterrent-value as a punishment vis-à-vis professional /mercenary-criminals...

After observing the working of this scheme for some time , certain years of incarceration in Human Zoo might even become an accepted form of punishment, as part of our criminal jurisprudence; all offences against humanity-- terrorism and corruption by people occupying powerful positions – must be accorded this punishment …How long are we going to watch criminals in powerful positions, waving to the crowd ‘happily’ and walking to the waiting van…?


We may also think of enhancing the deterrent value of such punishment; perhaps we may think of transferring such convict-inmates, to different Zoos, every year, so that they are given wider public view…


The convicts in the Human Zoo shall not be allowed the facility of private visitors nor private communication of any kind..; they will be served a frugal and bland diet and if they fall ill, only simple symptomatic treatment will be given and that too within the Zoo Complex; they will not be entitled for cozy hospitalization and treatment…

This is only a virgin thought, and I agree that the idea can be further elaborated and refined towards achieving operational efficiency… I may , however, hasten to add that while those who plead for abolition of Death Penalty are apparently ( mistakenly ) motivated by their compassion for the culprit, my suggestion is impelled by my compassion for the victims…


Love,

Mawley



Wednesday, May 12, 2010

IS THE SKY BLUE?



-“Nabasi Neelamiva”




It's like dreaming of rain drops when the foot is parched due to heat. All these thoughts. All of a sudden, he stood up. He felt his feet on the hardness of the floor beneath. Books. Luxury that could never be lived! He walked towards the washroom. The mirror introduced him to a man. Strange man he was. He looked as though he had not met another living soul in his entire life. His glasses needed a new frame. His lips were dark. Dark. Just like her hair. He felt his fingers touch the lips of the man in the mirror. The mirror shook on his touch. He left the washroom as though he remembered something. His room was grey. Scattered oddities of things. Books. Ash. Kaleidoscope. Anklet. Photographs. Posters. Papers. Papers with ink. With words. Clothes. A broken wooden ruler. A long rope. Empty glass bottles.

***

It was in the lost and gone ages. May be there was a time, when a soul knew to talk his heart...

***

".. rags of gold and a bowl of silver. Hunger for power. Thirst for lust. A country of blind men who pity them. What can we do? Shout? Cry out? Talk sense to them? Do you think these people can hear? If they could, they would have heard by now. Let the world burn. And one day, it would. There would be ash. Ash all around. I'll bathe in that pool of ash. Shout. Cry out. The world would hear me then. My voice would ring their end. The finale.."!


"Shiva", she said. Her voice soft. Yet, there was something about her voice, that would bring one back to reality, wherever they were.


"..My name is Dhruv..", he said smiling.


"I know. It's Shiva- the finale you were talking about. His dance of destruction", she replied.


"Good. Let him join me then!" , he added lazily, lying down beside where she was sitting, on the moist grasses of the football field. He did not see her. His eyes were enjoying the joy of the football game- the kids from the street were playing nearby. The unsophisticated version of football, played on the wet grounds after rain- where the soil splashed herself upon the players, each time she was hit by the ball! It was energy in its pristine forms!


"You know, I don't like your ideas about.. all these things! It's my belief and I.." She retorted, sounding offended by the way he spoke.


"I know. But if I don't tell you, how will you learn? The essence in it? Who will show you it's sheer strength? These people of the world? They are like a written code. Accepting things without understanding it's true nature? Exploring it's real potentials. That's what I do. And I promise you. The Finale- would happen. Shiva or no Shiva. And you would be beside me, to see it happening.." His eyes were closed, as he uttered these lines. As though, he visualized something no one could ever dream of seeing! The vision, made him smile!


"You would cease to dance if He joins you. I don't wish that to happen soon..", she said, looking at him. Her eyes looked angry. The hair. Even the blackness in it, appeared red. She had the most perfect lips. From all of her, it felt as though an inaudible whisper, kept saying her name to him. His eyes, met his Drishti… His Drishti.

***

Eyes. They only wish to see in one direction. Sometimes, when the eyes get diverted from where they usually see, the vision it sees, affects. Disturbs. It doesn't fit in. The eyes, till the time they cease to see, they curse that sight. That misfit. Abnormality is pleasant. A happy truth. The only happiness that invites no emotions. He sat on his bed. Thinking. An unheard prayer, was being sang for him. Just for him, from miles away. He still felt it's truth. He did not believe in prayer. He believed that hope was a falseness that was forced upon mankind. He believed in truth. Truth was the only truth, that existed. Like death. It was beautiful. He liked talking to people about truth. Even back then...

***

A cup of tea, and a dying cigarette- created odd effects in a man's mind. It made him speak, what he thought. Not one word less. Not one word more. Just those words, as he thought them! In the way he wanted them to be in...

***

"..I am not a great man. I am a man, who is taught not to lie", said he.


"We were all taught not to lie by hypocrites who lied to us, everyday, to keep us away from their world of lies. It's a lie that brings days and nights upon us. It's again a lie that keeps us happy each day of our life. Fire all around us. People dying everywhere. Misery. Sorrow. Hunger. Copious tears forming the oceans and seas. Yet, with a 'lie of tomorrow', we sleep with a smile upon our lips. Safe. We dream of lies. We live our lies. And still, you lie that you are not taught to lie"? Shreyas asked him. Shreyas. The only man, who understood him. The man, who spoke his language.


"I agree. But the truth in it is this, that it's a lie. And that's the only thing I am concerned about", said Dhruv.


Shreyas stared at him for a few seconds. Smiled. He said, "Your survival surprises me".


"I'm no way less surprised", Dhruv replied, and they ended up laughing- for how long, neither of them, ever knew!

***

There were, the faded images of the faces he'd lost the right to think about. All he was left with now were the sounds of empty bottles clinking. They wanted him to see the light, outside. His insides, cherished the darkness. It kept him alive. But he knew, that the darkness he cherished, would cease to remain if he did not visit the light outside. There was no limit to his life. A life far beyond days and nights. Like colours. Splashed by a mad painter's brush. He took the last cigarette in the pack. The smoke from it were circling around, in front of his eyes. For some strange reason, it made him think of strange things. He sat himself on the window. Sounds of life, in a fast forward, were drilling his ears. Flashes of lights- from the cars that went by on the roads. The sun being eroded away by the moon's flush of rays. The stars were beginning to rise up. Here and there. Like, birth of order from chaos. Reminded him of the moment when they had last met. If he jumped off his building, would he feel the pain of the fall? He thought and looked down, from his window. No. May be he should try the skies. But neither would take him to her. Did he want her? This was the first moment of his life, he had thought of something like that. "Did he want her"?

***

"..Dhruv.. I love you", she said, her eyes, sparkling like the starts of the night sky. The tears voiced the truth in her words.


"I know", he replied. He did not know how he must feel. He has never known how he must feel, sometimes. It was as though, the sadness or happiness were beneath him. He felt something more than that. He never named what that was. He was never able to. But he knew. He knew that others did not feel it. In fact, others, would never feel it.


"No. You don't. No.. Or.. ", she said, looking confused. She moved towards the window of his room. She stood there, looking at the sky above.


"Dhruv, if I ask you a question, would you tell me the truth? Or lie to me"? she said. Without looking at him.


"You know me.." he replied! He was puzzled.


"...Then tell me." She turned. Looking directly at him, she asked him, "Tell me, is the sky blue"?


He looked at her. He could not understand, why he was looking at this woman, who stood in front of him. What was it that he felt? He could not judge his emotions. He felt himself crumble in front of her. He ceased to exist. For her.


"No. It is not blue", he replied. His voice rang with a strange sound that he had never used before. She had felt it too. She kept looking at him. Her eyes, they were still glistening ... But now, it was something else. It was what she called 'hope'. In which, he never believed.


"I would love you, till my soul turns into puffs of smoke. You know that yourself. Don't you"? she asked, her voice, trembling.


He looked into her eyes. A fire in it, was turning into ice. He said, "I know you will".


"I will not ask you anything, but this. Let me go". She said, looking at him. Only that, her eyes were not looking in him.


He did not reply.


She was a mystic presence. His liking for her, he was never able to imagine, how it happened! She was so different from him. But may be, thinking about it, now.. It was because, she was real. She was Earth. Maybe this was why! Her reality. Her existence. Her emotions. They belonged somewhere, so much unlike him. May be this was why…


"I can live with the lie of your memories. But I cannot live with the truth of your existence. You are a great man. I.. I am not.. I don't deserve you". She said. She was not crying. She was not lying.


He stopped thinking. She was real. And he wanted her to remain, that way. To want her be that way meant that she should be allowed to accept only things, real! And as he listened, her voice spoke of the truth in her. The truth of her world! The truth compelled the words out of him…


"I will let you go", said Dhruv.

***

The first rains of the year, fell upon his face.


His eyes were closed. It looked as though, he knew every drop of that water that fell on him. He smiled, greeting his old friends. He was thinking about his other friend. His 'better version', as he called him. Why though, he wondered?

***

He called the number, which he had not called for a long time. He did not know why he was calling. But he..


"Hello"?

The voice still sounded the same. His voice, however had changed. It was unsure if it should let itself being heard. Yet..


"Hello.. this is.."


"Dhruv? Are you Dhruv"? asked the other voice. There was joy in it. A joy, as of that small boy who got his lost bycycle back!


"I am… Shreyas.. I.."


"I know. It feels great to hear you", said Shreyas.


"Are you.."?


"No. To you, I wouldn't lie", said Shreyas.


"I know”, said Dhruv. And he did know it.


The silence was enjoying the gentle breeze that brought in the wet friends. And suddenly, the rain was growing louder. May be it wanted his attention back. It kept calling him. Splashing herself on him. He felt, that they were urging him to ask the question he wanted to ask.


"Shreyas.. I wanted to ask.."


"Dhrishti is fine", said Shreyas.


Dhruv. All of a sudden, it was as though something heavy had fallen off his heart. Or else, it had fallen off, long time back. But he had never realized it. There was now a strange happiness, that comes due to something called- gratitude!


"Thank you"- and he meant it.


"Do you.."


"No Shreyas. I don't want to talk to her. I will see you if I.."


"I would be waiting for that day..", replied Shreyas.


"Bye.."


"Bye, Dhruv. My friend..."

***

He closed the window and switched on the lights. He sat himself upon a chair. He took a book in his hand. He opened it. Closed again, smiling to himself. He took the photos on his bed. Walked towards the window. Opened it. Stretched out his hand and opened his palm. The memories, flew towards his old friends.. Flying away from him.. Far into the wide spread space, in between the sky and the earth.. Flying past his life...



Saturday, May 8, 2010

YOURS LOVINGLY,


[A doodle from the idle...]




".. the hole in me
may be dark and deep
but I've got little time
to cry or weep

Happy I'm,
to be
born with the hole
Than pretend to be pure

and live, sans a soul..."

- Matangi Mawley