THE BIG DECISION

Everyone, for once in their life has to make one decision, from which there is no escape! That is, about their future. About what they wish to become; how one is going to carry on...And everybody makes that one decision, for sure.Even that person, who says, that he has left his future to "God's goodwill", has made that decision, hasn't he?

Well, this essay, is not about any decision-making techniques. Nor is it about my great plans for my future. This essay is about my experience in making that decision, rather.

Mind you, I am not a "responsible" type of a girl. I never cared about anything, not that I do now! But definitely, I'm now, loads better than what I was, before!

Well, into bussiness. One day, ... I don't remember exactly what day..or when I did it! "One day" simply seemed a perfect beginning for my next sentense. Fine. One day, may be, my head was working in the right way.. I just decided, that I got to decide something about my future!

I was thinking, "Ok, this is it. I got to decide what I have to become now. Now that I know, what I am capable of ... I should know". And then, a feeble voice, inside me, spoke to me; "YOU..make a "decision".. don't make me laugh..". I ask, " Now, who is this"? "I am YOU". " YOU are me? Then who am I"? The voice spoke again, "Good beggining, isn't it"? "Oh no! Now don't make me think THAT way..You know..THAT way"! "What way"? " THAT way...Who am I? Why am i sent here..? By whom..? How things began..? How will it end..? As if I care.."! The voice spoke again, "Stop..Stop..Now do you understand, why I was mocked by the idea that "YOU", of all persons, make a "decision".. ? "No"! "Well, you are a dreamer, aren't you?You dream a lot, and yet, you don't wake up. You dream of achieving the top and yet you remain low, and don't even try to reach it, even when you are shown a way to do it. Even if you try, you get too tired, and a bit lazy, if truth be told, and finally, you stop trying..melt away..and yet again.. you dream of trying..don't you"?

Now that was true an I couldn't argue with that.. That day, I did not make my decision. Nor did I, the next day.. nor the next... never after that...

I was not made for thinking... I was made for dreaming. I would dream, indeed, if that is what I am made for..And I would pass it on to others... That's what I realized from that little incident...

But I still could not figure out what I must do as a dreamer... I, who dream, must dream of a way, how not to dream.. or rather... dream of waking up...!?

Well...!