Friday, April 9, 2010

SOUND OF SILENCE


Saying it aloud sometimes, makes it mean less than what it should mean. That communication, I do not think can happen anywhere else. Sometimes, there are so many candles around to sustain the light, that otherwise does not exist. The smile, that comes from within us at that moment- that private joke. With whom was it enjoyed? Who shared the smile with you? It makes me think at times. I need not bother thinking about these. There are so many other stories, lying deep within, left to be woven into words. I can think about those. Else, I can take pleasure in spending a thoughtless life. A nine hours of practiced, uncomplicated, precise, thought-free life and the one after that too. Why is that I wish to talk? Talk with this someone deep within? Enjoy a smile that I cannot enjoy with any other soul around, anywhere else?

*****

Have you ever spoken to yourself? Each time I read about Schizophrenia, or be it any other kind of, say- psychosis- you feel you actually have it. That's the beauty of psychology. But seriously speaking? Have you ever spoken to yourself? Sometimes, I do enjoy listening to myself. May be, that is my way of liking myself. Some people do. I know just one other person who does that. She said that to me. No. I do not have Schizophrenia.

*****

As I type these words down, there is some strange voice, so much like mine, that keeps repeating these words along with me. It sounds just like mine. But the difference is this. My voice, can never say these words. My Appa, sometime back told me this. That he thinks that I get possessed when I write. May be this is what he had meant when he said that. Strange words! As though, I am reading into someone's personal journal! I am not supposed to. But when the "not supposed" enters into the frame, it means, it wants it to be heard. These words. Here. The black, the white. They are from the one within. Not mine. Do I make sense? I do not know. "I", here is who? I do not know!

*****

Whenever I say the word "I", I feel that it resonated with some other sound from within. Some say, it has something to do with religion! No. Self is truth. Who am I to lecture on truth. A fellow dunce, in this institution called "Life". When you read me, lecturing you about truth, don't you feel something deep inside churning the stagnant pool that you are? "Who the hell is she to lecture me on this"? Do you hear it? I don't lie!

*****

Talk to it. It does not have any sound. It wants to come out. Help it come out. It has just one means. Giraffes use sound that is beyond human hearing capabilities. They are not mute. So I have heard. The only muted soul, lies deep inside us. Listen to it's voice. Feel it's sound. Feel that sound vibrate through your vocal chords. Feel it's pleasure soaring up through your veins. Feel it's smile on your lips. Help it share it's private joke with you. And remember this! You do not have Schizophrenia!


*****

33 comments:

ravi said...

i love speaking with myself..it is the best way to know urself..bt i dont have schizoperia..:)

Nice post..!!!

Priya said...

I talk to myself within a lot. Its not being crazy but feels good preoccupied with ur brain all the time.

Vishwa said...

some saying goes like this---you don not feel alone when you like the person whom you are alone with!!!! enjoy the company of yourself!! not a schizophrenia!!!

Matangi Mawley said...

@ravi..

thanks!

Matangi Mawley said...

@priya...

right u r! :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@vishwa...

nice! :)

Crimson Feet said...

nice thots... deserve the time being spent on them... i guess one needs a lot of free mindspace in life and ample time to do this...

Matangi Mawley said...

It's not IPL!

Dave King said...

That first sentence really hit home. As for talking to myself... yup, I often do - telling myself off, mostly. A really great post.

Rajesh said...

Very nice post. The image is fantastic.

Matangi Mawley said...

@ dave king..

thnks! :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@rajesh...

thanks!

RamMmm said...

A heavy post (even your earlier one), an anti-thesis to your blog title. :-)

On a lighter note, where will you categorize swearing? Most of the times, people do swear and mutter to themselves under their breath, venting out.

Matangi Mawley said...

@ramm..

thanks! hav nt thought abt tht.. bt it sure doesnt fit in here..

Wordsmith said...

many a times, the 'voice' just screams and screams to be heard when i pretend not to acknowledge it...or complain it is muffled...

but times when i listen to its melody among all the chaos of the day, it is MUSIC!! Thanks for letting many restless souls know they are not alone!

Matangi Mawley said...

@wordsmith...

thanks!

Dan* said...

nicely written :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@ dan...

thanks!

rainboy said...

speaking to myself... yeah We do talk...Him and Me...

But I don't want him to come out... he's not what I want to be.

Nice post

me really liked...

take care

V Mawley said...

“Self-talk” is something that I think, none is free from…And whenever you say
something about ‘self’ it invariably leads to empathic
resonance… The writing style you have adopted (stream of consciousness ) and
subject you have chosen ( self-) mesh very well…Once again a good experiment…
( ? ) ! Or should it be ( ! ) ? Congrats…






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)

Chitra said...

Very nice write-up with interesting "thoughts"..... :-)

(p.s. I read your tamil blog too. There is no way to comment in it. Did you disable it?)

Matangi Mawley said...

@ chithra...

thanks!

no.. i ve nt changed any settings! it s enabled only...!

KParthasarathi said...

It was only in the penultimate para you had brought out the concept of another'I' within us.In the tussle between the bodily'I' and the spiritual 'I', it is in silence when you still the bodily 'I', you hear the sounds of spritual 'I'.Please read http://kpsarathi.blogspot.com/2009/05/tussle-between-two-'i's.html
I liked the way you dealt with the subject

Matangi Mawley said...

@ parthasarathy...

thanks! d read n coment on the link...

IamtheEyeofGod said...

I think its our mind's incapacity to understand transitory truth that makes us identify with subjects like me, self, individuality and multiple personality. The end of all search will lead us all, i believe, to a pool of universal vibrations, without a beginning or end.

One such circumstantial resonance we identify as 'I' and when the I has a wider spectrum of self-expression, the 'I' verily goes through a metamorphosis, thats all. :D

just my six pence on the topic!!

IamtheEyeofGod said...

Oh not to mention, i had goosebumps when i read it..... i wouldn't have been able to express my self any better. And am happy to know that i would have friends like you sharing the cell if I ever end up in an asylum :D he he :D awesome write up

Matangi Mawley said...

@ rain boy..

thanks!

Matangi Mawley said...

@ appa..

thanks pa.. :)

Matangi Mawley said...

@ eye of god..

very true! :) yes.. i m sure thts how it would all end.. in an asylum! :)

thanks!

பார்வையாளன் said...

அருமை... ஆனா தமிழ் ல மொழி பெயர்த்தா இன்னும் நல்லா புர்யும்... .

Matangi Mawley said...

@ parvaiyalan..

thanks!

faitaccompli said...

Beautiful thoughts very beautifully put... there's something very earthy about your writings. something that says you are well integrated with the One that resides inside you. :)

Parul

Matangi Mawley said...

@faitaccompli..

thanks! :)

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