Sunday, June 20, 2010
PUTTING ON THE HAT...
Life had been demanding a meaning for long. But of late, I have arrived at thinking in a manner unlike mine. All the time, I hear people going on and on about giving "new meanings" to life. I have somehow not managed to figure out what they mean by it! Planting trees? Helping a kid to get his education? Helping poor and needy! These things, they seem like something huge. I have spoken in debates- on how I would like to plant trees. On how I would not sleep for the day until I have known that I have helped at least one person that day! But these, they seem far too bizarre coming out from me, now.
They are not normal! My mind behaves more practically each day towards a new day! I have not imagined myself to be a practical person, not ever. I had been a "drama-queen". But all that seems like a lost treasure. Someday, I could always put on my Indiana Jones Hat, and go off in search of that lost treasure. But there is time. Before I go, I need to earn myself the wisdom I would require through my journey towards my treasure. I do regret losing the treasure. And I aspire to get it back.
Days have been whispering to me a few things. They have been telling me- "Watch out! Here comes your brain"! I pretend as though I can't listen to them. It made no difference. Their telling me things. But after a few days, I felt guilty. I had been cheating the days. But brain gives me the strength to forget the guilt.
I do not share thoughts with another soul. I only publish them for the entire world to see. Strange! It makes me laugh at times! The way I work with things! I am- a person who thinks, and when she thinks, she thinks only in one genre at a particular time. Sad- it's sadness at peak. happy- it's happiness and nothing else. There are no gray spots there. Often times, I have noticed this. When I am in travel, there is this sudden rush of thoughts deep down my mind! It makes me smile. and when I smile, I realize all of a sudden that I am all alone in say, a bus, smiling to myself! Am I nuts?
This thought never came in before, when I had the treasure with me!
There was a crow the other day- which flew so close to me, that its wings grazed over my head. I could let it be! But why was I afraid? Was it in my nature or was it because I was too cautious about my future? What do I expect out of my future? A job- which I have. Or may be a better job. A family. Ultimately, I wish to be a successful working woman? Is that what I wish to be? But isn't that what everyone wishes to be? What's new in it? But is that what I want? Is this what will make me happy?
May be it is time now, to go off in search of my lost treasure- for this question, I can answer only then. I need my self that I've lost to time and also the self that I have earned with time to decide on the days ahead. May be it is time now to take out my hat and go out in search of it! May be it's time I realize the spirit in me, for what it is...